***Adult Jokes!!***

A cop observes a drunk man walking down the street, gripping his car key. The cop asks " Sir, can I help you"? The drunk says "I lost my car" The cop says "Well where did you last see it" The drunk says " Last time I saw it,it was at the end of this key" The cop laughs and at that point notices the drunks fly is open and says " Sir, are you aware that you're exposing yourself"? The drunk looks down and cries " oh God! I lost my girlfriend too!
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A man had ’ I love you ’ tattooed on his penis and showed it to his wife. She said to him, ’ There you go again, trying to put words in my mouth.
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MARY HAD A LITTLE . . .
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She ate the little bastard.
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MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
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JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
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SIMPLE SIMON
met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you Dumb Ass!"
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HUMPTY DUMPTY
Sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men
Had scrambled eggs
For breakfast again.
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HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE
The cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
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